Help
Over Teenage Hurdles
Michael
Carr-Gregg is a clinical psychologist specializing in Adolescence. He has
recently been on a speaking tour of New Zealand promoting his new book,
"Adolescence a Guide for Parents". Unfortunately the book is not yet available
for ordering online, but here is his advice from his recent
tour.
There
are six steps to keeping the adolescent lines of communication open:
-
Listen
and be prepared to compromise
-
Respect
your teen's opinions
-
Keep your
expectations realistic, especially when it comes to school
-
Give praise
-
Be there
when your teen wakes up, at mealtimes, and when they go to bed
-
Find time
everyday to talk about their day
Michael
Carr-Gregg says that the very nature of adolescence is changing. It is
an extended period of vulnerability, as children struggle with poor self-esteem,
eating disorders, drugs, alcohol, depression and their emerging sexuality.
An American study found that one in six girls aged 8 years old has already
reached puberty, compared to one in 100 just 25 years ago. Therefore the
ages of adolescence is stretched to many more years than previously, although
the process is the same. Adolescents are forming their own identity, achieving
their independence, finding interests outside their home, establishing
a career direction and starting to think about economic independence.
"Therefore,"
he says, "they need to feel part of a supportive network which is established
well before they reach the troublesome years. Young people who have a belief
system, enjoy school, have someone to talk to, and a group of friends,
are less likely to go off the rails," he said. "It is vital they have access
to a 'charismatic adult,' this could be a teacher, neighbour, relative
or coach.. Equally important for teens is knowing that they are good at
something, that their life has a purpose and their parents' love is not
dependent on their successes."
When
asked what to do with a teen who needs a constant adrenalin rush, Michael
Carr-Gregg answered, "Enrol them in a skydiving course". He clearly advocates
directing these needs into constructive activity which can also lead
to that all important sense of achievement."The ideal environment
for raising a teen," he said," and to help them achieve their milestones
is one where they feel loved, valued, heard and safe. Kids who self abuse,
take extremely hazardous risks with drugs or try to kill themselves will
uniformly tell you they have no-one in their life they feel connected to."
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